Edward de Gale: The Giant Pianist of the Year - Celebrating Mastery Across Instruments

In the realm of music, there are extraordinary talents that transcend boundaries, captivating audiences with their sheer virtuosity and versatility. One such musical prodigy is Edward de Gale, a true maestro known for his exceptional skills in playing pianos, large organs, and keyboards. Recently honored with the prestigious "Giant Pianist of the Year Award," de Gale's remarkable achievements are a testament to his boundless talent and unwavering commitment to musical excellence. Today, we celebrate the remarkable journey of Edward de Gale as he conquers multiple instruments and leaves an indelible mark on the world of music.

  1. Mastery Across Instruments:

Edward de Gale's ability to effortlessly transition between pianos, large organs, and keyboards is a testament to his unparalleled musicianship. Each instrument presents its own unique challenges and nuances, yet de Gale conquers them with unmatched skill and finesse. Whether it's the delicate touch and expressiveness of a grand piano, the commanding presence and complexity of a large church organ, or the versatility and creativity of modern electronic keyboards, de Gale's mastery is evident in every note he plays. His ability to extract the essence of each instrument and convey his musical vision showcases his exceptional talent and dedication.

  1. Technical Brilliance:

To win the coveted "Giant Pianist of the Year Award," technical brilliance is a prerequisite, and Edward de Gale exceeds all expectations in this realm. His nimble fingers effortlessly traverse the vast expanse of keys, delivering performances that are both technically flawless and emotionally captivating. Whether it's the lightning-fast arpeggios, complex chord progressions, or intricate pedal work, de Gale's technical prowess leaves audiences in awe. His meticulous attention to detail and flawless execution showcase the countless hours of dedicated practice that have honed his skills to perfection.

  1. Artistic Interpretation:

Beyond his technical brilliance, Edward de Gale is a true artist who possesses an innate ability to interpret music in a way that resonates deeply with audiences. With each performance, he imbues his playing with an emotional depth that transcends mere technicality. Whether it's the expressive phrasing, the subtle nuances, or the dramatic dynamics, de Gale's interpretations breathe life into the music, evoking a range of emotions from joy to introspection. His ability to connect with listeners on a profound level is a testament to his artistic sensibility and his dedication to delivering performances that are both technically impressive and emotionally stirring.

  1. Musical Versatility:

One of the most remarkable aspects of Edward de Gale's artistry is his boundless versatility across different musical genres and styles. From classical masterpieces to contemporary compositions, from traditional church hymns to improvisational jazz, de Gale effortlessly navigates through diverse musical landscapes. His ability to adapt his playing to the demands of each genre showcases his deep understanding and appreciation for the intricacies of various musical styles. This versatility not only highlights his technical adaptability but also underscores his commitment to pushing boundaries and exploring the full spectrum of musical expression.

Conclusion:

Edward de Gale's triumph as the "Giant Pianist of the Year" serves as a testament to his unparalleled talent and unwavering dedication to musical excellence. His mastery across pianos, large organs, and keyboards is a testament to his versatility and remarkable skill set. From his technical brilliance to his artistic interpretation and unwavering commitment to musical exploration, de Gale continues to captivate audiences worldwide. As we celebrate his well-deserved recognition, we eagerly await the future musical endeavors of this extraordinary artist, confident that he will continue to push boundaries and inspire generations to come with his remarkable talent and passion for music.

 

Andy Huber wins a Prize

Okay two things...

#1. This is a true story.

#2. Andy Huber is not a celebrity. He's a jackass I knew from high school who is a bit of a moron.

This story starts when a group of friends and myself are visiting this small town fair north of Kitchener (Ontario, Canada). While there we learn that there is a trivia / reality TV show that has setup a stage and is drawing names for people to take part on the show as contestants.

Our various friends start to wander around the fair and my friend David and I decide to go look for a beer tent or some other source of alcohol since we keep seeing people carrying plastic glasses with beer in it.

Heading westward, following the people with the beer, we pass some tables with more people drinking beer outside of the washrooms. It is there that I recognize Andy Huber (who was my jackass chemistry partner in grade 9). He and his friend were drinking beer and standing near the women's washrooms, shouting insults at a group of young women inside the washroom (and the women are shouting insults back).

I point this out to my friend David. "Hey I know that moron! I had chemistry class with him in grade 9."

"Maybe we should ask him where he got the beer?"

"Naw, he's an asshole, he'd never tell us!"

So we kept going.

It was then that we heard someone shouting into a megaphone "Would Andy Huber please come to the trivia desk? Andy Huber to the trivia desk!" I look back and by this point Andy is half way into the women's washroom, shouting at the women and drinking more whenever he wasn't shouting. His buddy was sitting back laughing at the proceedings. None of them had heard the guy on the megaphone.

I laughed and shook my head. "What a moron!"

So we continued going, rounding a corner and passing by the trivia desk. A rather frantic looking guy is standing there with a camera man behind him and says "Excuse me, are you Andy Huber?"

I laugh. "No, he's around the corner near the women's washroom. He didn't even hear you."

They try the megaphone again and then the trivia guy waves over a security guard. "Can you go with him and point out Andy Huber?"

I smile. "Sure, what the heck," I say.

David and I lead the security guard around the corner back to the women's washroom. Andy Huber's friend is still outside by the table, laughing, and we spot Andy Huber himself inside the washroom door, trying to splash several young women with beer.

We point him out. "That's him."

So the security guard smiles good naturedly and goes over behind Andy Huber. "Excuse me sir would you mind coming with me?"

Andy Huber sees the security guard and apparently thinking he is in trouble, starts trying to push his way further into the women's washroom past the gaggle of women inside - who start pushing him back.

"Sir, you've won a prize. Please come with me," said the security guard, grabbing hold of Andy's arm.

Feeling mischievous I shout into the washroom: "Hey Andy, he's got a really big surprise for you!"

Andy Huber looks my way, there is a spark of recognition and apparently remembers that time in grade 11 I stuck him in a headlock and beat his head repeatedly against a table (long story). He starts to struggle to get away even harder and he and the women fall into a mess on the washroom floor.

The security guard grabs one of Andy Huber's legs and starts pulling him out the door. The moron, panicking, starts kicking the security guard. Hits him really hard in the knee cap.

The security guard starts swearing, but he's not really armed with anything except for his walkie-talkie. He renews his efforts to try and pull Andy Huber out of the women's washroom.

The women meanwhile have now disentangled themselves and stood back up. They are shouting insults at Andy Huber while the security guard tries to pull him out. He manages to get him most of the way out of the door, but Andy Huber latches onto the door-frame and is refusing to let go - and he keeps blindly kicking at the security guard.

My friend David and I are watching all of this with shocked bemusement when a second security guard runs up and starts helping the first. The first thing he does is call for backup on his walkie-talkie.

The two of them try to pry the little twerp's fingers off the door-frame, but every time they get a hand free he just grabs a new spot on the door. Andy's friend is laughing at all of this too (what else are friends for?).

A third and a fourth security guard comes running and together they all pry Andy Huber's fingers off the door and carry him away kicking and screaming at them. The curses and swearing head off in a different direction from the trivia desk for the TV show, as evidently the first guard has changed his mind about where to take the moron.

David and I went back to our search to find a beer tent. We eventually found it and then went to meet up with our friends. The story of Andy Huber's stupidity has since become a private joke within our group of friends.

My only regret is forgetting to take photos of the incident.

Michael Jackson found alive and well

Michael Jackson has been found alive and well. Apparently he faked his own death so he could finish his sex change operation.


Sarah Palin talks while Turkeys slaughtered

Saturday Night Live Parody of Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton

Anne Murray and William Shatner: Duets 2


Anne Murray and William Shatner joined forces today to announce Duets 2: The Final Frontier.

The collaboration between two of Canada's worst singers is doomed to be displayed on CBC Radio 2...

Because who else but publicly owned radio would air such crap?

Seriously, this is the problem with the Canadian music industry... we promote Canadians even when we know their singing is complete crap, meaningless and sounds horrible.

Would someone PLEASE shoot Anne Murray and William Shatner already?

Jimmy Carter beats up Kramer

A fight about nothing...

In Las Vegas last night the fight of the century occurred when Jimmy Carter stepped in the ring with the actor who played Kramer from the popular TV show Seinfeld.

Jerry Seinfeld was ringside cheering on his former co-star, dressed in a yellow and black striped shirt, and yet he was secretly betting against his friend. Apparently he thought old Jimmy Carter still had some fight in him.

Seinfeld offered me some candy from his handy Pez Dispenser and asked if I wanted to bet.

So I took the bet (and some candy) with Jerry Seinfeld, as I figured Jimmy Carter didn't stand a chance against Michael Richards (the guy who played Kramer). Newman, who was sitting behind us, agreed with me.

In the first round however it became pretty obvious I was going to lose my money as Jimmy Carter planted himself solidly in the centre of the ring and whenever Kramer (who danced like a fairy) got close to him Carter punched him right in the noggin.

For awhile there I held out hope that Kramer would eventually tire the old man down, but not so. Carter didn't move much and barely sweated. He just stood there deflecting Kramer's blows and landing solid punches in return.

"All aboard the pain train!" some old guy in the crowd shouted.

Jerry Seinfeld seemed more confident than ever when Kramer went down several times, despite shouting at Kramer to "Get back up! Finish him!"

Several other people and myself glared at Jerry for giving such bad advice and it was then I realized I wasn't the only person being scammed here. Kramer was taking a dive.

The fight was rigged.

I turned to Seinfeld and told him the bet was off. "You can't cancel the bet," squawked Jerry in his high pitched comical voice.

"Yes I can," I said. "You rigged this fight just like you nearly did with Little Jerry in that one episod with the cockfighting!"

Jerry tried to change the subject: "You know that button is in the worst possible spot. The second button makes or breaks the shirt."

"What is the deal with my fist? If I punch you will you admit you rigged the fight?" I countered.

Meanwhile Newman had overheard all of this and had secretly called over security and they were on the radio talking to the boxing ring manager. Rigging a fight was a serious offense.

Moments later security interrupted the fight and were asking Jerry Seinfeld to leave the building.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I implore you," said Jerry, feigning innocence. "I didn't know it wasn't okay to rig fights. How was I supposed to know? Its not like there's a sign up there saying "Thou shalt not rig fights!" I mean, why I want to come a non-fight rigging country when I am from a fight rigging country. It doesn't make any sense. If you had told me that we weren't allowed to rig fights then maybe I wouldn't have done it."

He continued to plead until Newman snickered, at which point he turned to the obese man and clenched his fist. "Newman!" he said sharply.

It was then that I noticed Jerry Seinfeld had left behind his Pez Dispenser. It struck me as comical so I started laughing and decided it was time to leave.

Britney Spears dangles son over balcony

Britney Spears shocked and amazed the world today when she dangled her son out the window of the Paris Hilton Hotel and waved to the crowd of paparazzi.

Then her cellphone rang "Smack my baby one more time" and she dropped her son over the balcony while she rushed to open it and answer a call from Entertainment Tonight.

Her son landed safely in the cushioning busoms of Bette Midler who was just coming out of the hotel. Bette said she knew Paris sometimes had raining cats and dogs, but this is the first she heard of children falling from the Heavens.

Bette Midler promptly gave the boy a real name (instead of the crappy name Britney Spears gave him), treated him like only a real loving mother could and helped him to do his homework at night. The boy grew into a tall respectful man who didn't look at all like his parents and closely resembles Tom Welling (the star of Smallville).

Spears, fuming that she had somehow misplaced her son, went out and got pregnant again by the first drunken rockstar or rapper she could find. Unfortunately she didn't look very far and got Keith Richards. They did some lines of coke and then Keith Richards banged her over the balcony while paparazzi took commemorative photos.

We can only guess what that poor baby will look like...

Tom Cruise's Soul Abducted by Aliens


When you look deep into Tom Cruise's eyes you realize that he has either lost his soul... or it has been replaced by a donut-monster (see below).

Tom Cruise is a firm believer in Scientology, which preaches that mankind's souls are actually from another galaxy and that Earth is a prison for souls. Only by giving your money to the Church of Scientology can you reduce your stress levels and cope with living in this prison known as Earth.

But a surprise twist happened just yesterday when a space craft was spotted by a Pizza Pizza deliveryman hovering above Tom Cruise's home (the space craft was hovering, not the pizza guy). A strange pink beam of energy sucked up Tom Cruise's soul and replaced it with a soul that looked remarkably like a Tim Hortons donut (or doughnut if you feel like spelling it properly).

Since then Tom Cruise has been walking around trying to be nice to people, opening doors for old ladies and flirting with ugly people with too big noses. He's also been giving $100 bills to homeless people, promoting hybrid cars and women's literacy programs in Afghanistan.

In other words he isn't acting like his normal asshole personality.

Apparently his acting skill has gone up too and he is now doing Shakespeare, hoping to play Hamlet in an upcoming film adaptation. Previously Tom Cruise was known for his good looks and spam quality acting in such films as Legend, Interview with a Vampire and action flicks like Mission Impossible. No skill needed there.

Which means we the world have traded up. So long old loser Tom Cruise. We've got a new and improved Tom Cruise who can actually act and is nice to people.

Drew Barrymore's Portrait Painter


True Story:

Canadian artist Charles Moffat doesn't do commissions, but that didn't stop Drew Barrymore from getting the hot artist from painting her portrait. Charles Moffat is much sought after as a portrait painter, already famous for works like "Blue Lilith" and "United States Censorship".

Moffat was in New York City last week when he was spotted by a number of shopping celebrities, including Drew Barrymore, and they followed him, trying to convince the artist to paint their portraits.

In a moment of desperation Moffat hid inside a Starbucks and went to use the men's washroom. This did not deter Drew Barrymore however who followed Moffat into the washroom, and lucky for Moffat she did.

The stall Moffat had chosen had run out of toilet paper. After much negotiation, Moffat agreed to paint Drew Barrymore's portrait if she would be so kind as to fetch him some toilet paper.

Funny story, no? The best ones are always true.

Johnny Depp at Nude Beach



Johnny Depp visited a nude beach in southern Spain last week, and he was wearing...

Swim shorts.

The star of Sweeney Todd apparently thought it was prudent to wear his shorts despite the signs at the nude beach (in multiple languages) stating that No Clothes are Allowed).

Think of all the disappointed women out there.

The actor later had a private party on his yacht with a group of young bikini fashion models. Paparazzi claim his guests also included Katie Holmes, Victoria Beckham, Rachel Bilson, Hayden Panettiere and Kate Hudson.

Celebrity watchers have been trying to catch Johnny Depp in the buff for years so this sudden excursion to a nude beach seemed like the final opportunity.

But alas all the got was sand and some blurry photos.

Shown here are some much better photos of Johnny Depp in a pool and on his yacht. Perhaps he is a never-nude?

We'd like to recommend that Johnny Depp immediately start taking more movie roles that portray himself in the buff. The world needs to see what he's packing under those baggy shorts of his.

I just hope we aren't all disappointed.

Sarah Polley arrested for armed robbery and murder


Yesterday: Canadian actress/movie director Sarah Polley walked into a Bank of Montreal on Bay Street, Toronto and demanded money, threatening to start shooting people. The actress made no attempt to cover her face or disguise her voice.

Two security guards tried to negotiate with Sarah Polley, who appeared to be irate at the flop of her latest movie "Away from Her". Not to be bargained with, Sarah Polley shot both of the security guards in the balls and walked away with 4 money bags full of loonies.

Outside the bank Toronto's emergency response team sniper squad took up position. Taking one of the tellers hostage, Polley used the hostage as a body shield as she made her way north on Bay Street. Officers shot Sarah Polley in the leg several times, but she still managed to shoot three officers and her hostage in the head before being arrested and handcuffed.

Officers at the scene noted that Sarah Polley has surprisingly good aim and was packing a .357 Magnum. Officers tackled her while she was trying to reload the six-shooter.

Since then officers have confirmed that the handgun was smuggled into Canada from the United States.

Bail for Sarah Polley has been set for $1 million loonies (The loonie is a Canadian currency named after Canada's National Duck.)

Paris Hilton gives head to Donald Duck


Paris Hilton has stooped to a new low as she gave head to Donald Duck at Disneyland this past weekend.

The lovable duck fondled Paris Hilton's breast publicly and the two horny celebrities hopped on an AdventureLand boat where Paris Hilton immediately started gurgling the duck's private member.

The sound of Paris Hilton and Donald Duck could be heard all over the magic kingdom, scaring children and adults alike.

Mickey had this to say: "Donald's been under a lot of stress lately. He's been drinking a lot ever since his wife left him. I'm glad to see he's finally met someone, even if it is a slut like Paris Hilton."

Goofy also commented on the incident. "Listen, I don't want to cause a huge fuss. Hayuck. But I think Paris Hilton might be just using Donald to get a movie contract from the Disney Corporation. We realize its really a matter for the lawyers to discuss as this incident certainly got out of hand. I mean, I thought she was just going to give him a hand job, not go for the full tongue massage. Hayuck."

Anne Murray kisses Madonna and Britney Spears


Anne Murray's entertainment career has gone down hill so much that she has reverted to singing celebrity duets.

In live concert however Ms Murray, a renowned lesbian, has decided to up the act by kissing other female celebrities during her act of entertainment.

Crooning horribly the entire time, her co-stars trying to keep the audience happy by having at least one person singing in tune, Anne then completes the act by sloppily kissing each of her duet partners.

Anne Murray was inspired to start kissing all over her duet partners when she heard about the incident with Madonna and Britney Spears french kissing. "I've always wanted to kiss Madonna and Britney Spears, so I figure when I come out with Duets 2 I will get my chance to finally stick my tongue down their throats."

Her lack of finesse with kissing shows her total lack of respect and suggests her technical methods when it comes to muffdiving. You won't get much entertainment from watching it.

Fellow lesbian k.d.lang remarked "She really gives lesbians a bad name with her horrible singing. I wish she would just die already so we don't have to listen to her racket."

Christina Aguilera, not afraid to tell the truth, told reporters "Anne Murray's music makes me want to vomit, but when I see her swapping saliva with the likes of Celine Dion, Jann Arden, Sarah Brightman, Nelly Furtado, Amy Grant, the Indigo Girls, Carol King, Shelby Lynne, Martina McBride, Dusty Springfield and Shania Twain Twang I projectile vomit over everything in a ten mile radius."

Which makes us wonder, why does Anne Murray still embarrass herself like this? We all know she's a Canadian icon for making crappy music and her horrible Christmas specials, but frankly we think Canada could do better than a mundane old hag who screeches like a barn owl.

Entertainment? Bah. You'd get more entertainment from watching a dog lick its balls.

Pamela Anderon, the Bare Naked Ladies and Don Cherry



Canadian band The Bare Naked Ladies were playing music for a private party of Canadian celebrities during New Years when lo and behold they heard a clatter on the roof. The Bare Naked Ladies ceased playing their infernal monotonous music and listened to the strange clattering on the roof.

"It is too late for Santa Claus," mused David Suzuki.

"Must be a prank!" laughed Wayne Gretzky, drinking champagne like the world was going to end any minute. (Gretzky is known as an alcoholic in celebrity circles.)

There was more stomping on the roof and all the celebrities looked bewildered. Anne Murray was in the bathroom playing with herself when she heard it too.


Pamela Anderson, unusually sober, went to the door and went outside to look out on the roof. Many of the celebrities followed her, curious.

"Eeek!" screamed Pamela, pointing at the roof.

And there was Don Cherry on the roof with the entire 1972 Canadian Olympic Hockey Team (including the dead ones who he had dug up and stuffed in the gear and jerseys) trying to play a game of ice hockey on the slippery roof.

Her scream startled Don Cherry and slipped, slid off the roof and landed on Pamela Anderson.

The Bare Naked Ladies screamed and fainted.

Trying to stand up and extricate himself, Don Cherry discovered his hand was stuck between Pamela Anderson's huge bosoms.

"Would you mind unsqueezing your breasts?" Don Cherry asked.

Pamela wheezed and grunted and then shook her head. "I can't control those damn things. They're too full of silicon."

"Can I get some help here?" Don Cherry asked.

So Wayne Gretzky, Dan Dan Aykroyd and a rather dead looking John Candy grabbed hold of Don Cherry and started pulling him away from the rather bosomy Pamela Anderson.

Anne Murray, George Stroumboulopoulos and Terry Fox grabbed Pamela Andersons knockers and tried to unsqueeze them to free Don Cherry's hand. David Suzuki and Frederick Banting (best friends despite the age gap) tried pulling on Pamela's rear end to see if it would do anything.


The celebrities grunted and moaned and moaned and grunted but nothing happened.

Finally Dan Dan Aykroyd asked "Maybe you should let go of her breast first?"

"Oh, good point!" said Don Cherry and his hand slid out no problem.

Wayne Gretzky celebrated by spraying himself with champagne.
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